Monday Rewrite: Distractions

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Jesus tries to tell James, John, Peter and Andrew a parable but they are distracted by other things.

Jesus: Gather round for minute, will you guys? I’ve something I’d like to tell you.
James: And I’ve got something to tell you and all. The synagogue’s in a terrible state. The drainpipes are clogged, the roof leaks, the garden’s full of weeds and the windows are cracked.
Jesus: Okay, of course that’s important stuff, it really is – but so is this. There was once a man who had two sons…
Peter: My dad had two sons, me and my brother, he always favoured my brother. Always. So unfair.
Andrew: he didn’t!
Peter: He did!
Jesus: Anyway, the younger of the two sons went to his father…
John: I’m the youngest in our house. Could never get a word in.
Jesus: I think I know how you feel. Look, how about we just go out in your boat for a while, Peter. Get away from the distractions. Focus a little.
James: His boat? Have you seen the state? It’s like a sieve!
Peter: It is not!
James: Yes it is, we’re going to have to have a sponsored boat race or something to raise the money. I wouldn’t do anything till we’ve fixed it up.
John: How could we have a sponsored boat race if his boat’s broken?
Andrew: I could shave half my beard off.
James: What?
Andrew: To raise some money. People do that don’t they? Or I could sit in a bath of cold honey and locusts for a day.
Andrew: How about crowdfunding? That would raise a bit.
Jesus: If you’ll just come out on the water I’ll show you where there’s a massive catch of fish, that will help you raise some money.
Peter: Doubt it. There’s nothing out there at the moment. We know what we’re talking about Jesus.
Jesus: Well, okay then, let me just finish the tale, these two sons, the father split the inheritance and the younger son went off.
James: Not if he had shoes like his. Look at them.
John: What’s wrong with my shoes?
James: What’s right with them? They need a complete overhaul.
John: No they don’t.
James: Yes they do.
John: Don’t!
James: Never mind that story of the two sons, I think we need to focus on some important things for a while. The synagogue, his shoes, Peter’s boat.
Peter: There’s nothing wrong with my boat!
James: Don’t make me laugh!
Peter: I’ll make you do something in a minute!
Jesus: All right, all right, ease off there. You’re right. Those things are important, but let me say this – don’t be like a man who spends his life building barns so he can store up everything, putting off the day when he might actually do something with the things inside.
James: What?
Jesus: Don’t spend your time focussing on a fly in your drink, when there’s a dead dog in your water tank to sort out.
They nod, scratch their heads, frown, wonder.
James: So… are you saying there’s a problem with the water supply?? I could have a look at it for you…

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