Monday Rewrite: Family Time

Joseph has his 6 youngest children sitting down so he can explain to them about their brother Jesus.

‘Right, are you all here? One, two, three, four, five, six. Good. Simon sit still. Miriam, be quiet, let me get a word in. I don’t care if little Joe is pulling your pigtail. Joe stop pulling her pigtail. No Susanna, you can’t have another fig. You’ve already had seven. Jacob – don’t do that. Now sit still and listen! All of you! This is important. Now, you know your older brother Jesus? What Simon? Where is he? He’s out in the workshop building a table. No you can’t go and help him Simon. Sit down. Now! Because I thought this would be a good moment to… er… talk to you all. About where he came from. Don’t screw your face up like that Miriam. What Joe? Yes, well, yes… yes that’s right.. he was in mummy’s tummy. You all were. No not at the same time Miriam. Jacob – don’t do that. But before that, mummy met an angel. Yes Miriam I know we often call you an angel. You are an angel, but this was a different sort of angel. Did he have wings Simon? Well no, angels don’t have wings. Yes I know you have some wings Miriam, Jesus made them for you didn’t he? Jacob – don’t do that. But angels are like messengers. And they brought mummy a message. About your brother. What Joe – did he have a sharp sword? No. Well, maybe, I don’t know. I wasn’t there. He did smile though, because mummy was a bit frightened and he wanted to make her feel better. A spear? No Joe, he didn’t have a spear. Jacob – don’t do that. No Susanna he didn’t bring her any figs. He told her she was going to have a baby! Yes! No this wasn’t yesterday Miriam, she’s not having another baby. Five boys and two girls is plenty for me. I mean for both of us. I know you like babies Susanna but we’re really not having anymore. Now where was I? Thank you Jude, yes, an angel. No it wasn’t a choir of angels Miriam, they didn’t sing anything. It was just one, with a burning sword and wings… I mean, without a sword and burning wings. Now concentrate everyone come on. Please. I just want to tell you something really important. Are you all focussed now. Yes? All quiet? Good. Now… (sighs) what is it Jude? Yes I know one of my front teeth is crooked. Yes and my ears are quite big Susanna. All right. All right. Now, your big brother Jesus is… well this is going to sound a bit strange and you might have some questions about it. It is unusual but, well, your lovely big brother Jesus is… well, how can I put this… well, Jesus is actually… what’s that Jacob? Oh! Yes. He is. That’s right. He’s God’s son. How did you know that? Oh! Really? He told you. Just yesterday? When he was giving you all piggy-back rides. Oh right. Great. That’s sorted then. Who wants a big pile of figs? Oh and Jacob – don’t do that.’

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