Monday Rewrite: The Four Yorkshire Shepherds

By Dave Broughton

(Four Yorkshire shepherds [1,2,3&4] are sitting together at the crucifixion of Jesus.)

1: Ahh… Very passable, this, very passable.

2: Nothing like a good crucifixion, ay Josiah?

3: You’re right there Obadiah.

4: Who’d a thought thirty years ago we’d all be sittin’ here watching that Jesus dying?

1: Aye. 33 years ago in fact. I remember because our Brian was born on the same day.

2: Aye. I remember that angel visiting us in the field and telling us about that baby.

4: Angel? It was a load of ‘em..

3: A heavenly host!

1: And then we went to see the baby.

4: Baby, mother and father.

2: Aye. And in amongst those animals. I thought WE were smelly, but that was a real nose tester.

3: But you know, they were happy, though they were poor.

1: Aye. BECAUSE they were poor. He had to be born poor.

4: No good Him being born in a palace.

2: He had to live in a ti-i-i-ny old house. Like the one that had that gre-a-a-a-a-at big hole in the roof.

3: The one they lowered that bloke through on the mat!

1: Ohhhh… I used to dream of being lowered through a hole in the roof and being told to get up and take my bed with me.

(In the next bit of banter the four try and outdo each other with their stories of Jesus)

4: I was at a wedding once and He turned water into wine. And very good wine it were too.

2: I once saw him feed four thousand people.

3: Four thousand? I saw him feed FIVE thousand. Wi’ just a few loaves and a couple of fishes.

1: They say he healed loads o’ people.

3: I saw him heal a blind man by spitting on some dirt and rubbing it on his eyes.

1: Blind man? I once saw him give a leper a new hand.

2: I know a woman who only touched his robe and she was healed.

3: Well, of course He did all that but I was good pals with a chap called Lazarus and he died. A couple o’ days later, along comes Jesus and tells us to open t’ tomb. In he goes and tells Lazarus to get up. Up Lazarus gets and walks out as though nowt had happened.

4: (Warming to his task) Right. Of course he turned water into wine and of course he fed thousands of people with bread and fish, and of course he healed people and of course he even brought some people back to life. But did the’ know He was also the Son of God, the Messiah, the Saviour. He was sent by God to put everything right, to show us a new way to live and to save us all from sin.

1: Aye. But you try and tell the people today that… and they won’t believe ya’.

ALL: Nope, nope.

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