Monday Rewrite: What Have the Christians Ever Done for Us?

Reg is chairing a meeting attended by Stan, Brenda and Barb.

Reg: Those Christians! They’re a waste of space
Stan: Yea, just a bunch of religious nutters. All they do is spoil our fun.
Reg: And not just our fun but the fun of our fathers, and our fathers’ fathers.
Stan: And the fun of our fathers’ fathers’ fathers. And our fathers’ fathers’ fathers’ fathers.
Reg: All right Stan, don’t labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?
(Pause)
Brenda: (Cautiously, holding a finger in the air) The Trussell Trust?
Reg: (A little wrongfooted) What?
Brenda: The Trussell Trust. You know, helping families…
Reg: Oh yea, yea, they did give us that.
Barb: And Street Pastors.
Stan: Oh yea, Street Pastors, Reg, remember what Friday nights used to be like.
Reg: All right, I’ll grant you that The Trussell Trust and Street Pastors are two things that Christians have done…
Brenda: And Christians Against Poverty.
Reg: Oh well, obviously Christians Against Poverty, Christians Against Poverty goes without saying, doesn’t it? But apart from The Trussell Trust, Street Pastors, and Christians Against Poverty…
Barb: Lunch clubs, mums and toddlers groups, messy church…
Reg: What?
Stan: Yea, and A Rocha, Tearfund, Christian Aid…
Brenda: Not to mention Christmas, I mean we’d certainly miss Christmas…
Barb: And Easter with all them eggs…
Reg: All right, All right, all right, but apart from Street Pastors, Christians Against Poverty, The Trussell Trust, Lunch clubs, mums and toddlers, messy church, A Rocha, Tearfund, Christian Aid, Easter and Christmas… what have the Christians ever done for us?
(pause)
Barb: Songs of Praise?
Reg: (Frustrated and agitated) Oh Songs of Praise!! Be quiet!!!!

(Feel free to add in or replace the items listed that Christians have done to make it your own sketch.)

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