Monday Rewrite: Chained

Two Roman soldiers are chatting.

1. I’ve just spent the last 6 months fighting the barbarian hordes, oh my goodness, those peasants are revolting! They don’t use a knife and fork. No serviettes. And don’t bother mentioning baths to them! And as for their roads – what roads!! And no drainage. Or sanitation. They never use a comb, and don’t bother talking to them about personal hygiene or trimming their eyebrows. Nothing. No antiperspirant. Oh my goodness the smell. They’ve never heard of Lynx, I can tell you that. It was like hell on earth.
2. Obviously a tough job.
1. Tough? Tough!! Tough doesn’t come into it.
2. However, you should be happy.
1. What?
2. I’d have given my right arm to be out there fighting barbarians. I’d have sold my house.
1. What are you talking about?
2. I’m telling you – tough doesn’t come close. Not with what I had to do.
1. What do you mean?
2. Two years! Two years I was chained to him. 24 months. 730 days! 1,051,200 minutes! And I felt every one of them. Shut up in the same house as well! But would he shut up?… Is Caesar Roman? Do the barbarians stink?
1. Was he a barbarian then?
2. Oh no. Far from it. Educated. Cultured. Knowledgeable. That was the problem. Wouldn’t keep his knowledge to himself. On and on and on. That was the odd thing really, I could have understood if he had been less educated, you know, believing what he did. But he was clearly highly intelligent. And yet. He was totally convinced.
1. About what?
2. About that Jesus. You know, from Nazareth. That carpenter.
1. Can’t say I have heard much.
2. Well I have. Two years of it. Jesus this, Jesus that. 24 months. 730 days! 1051200 minutes! And I felt every one of them.
1. Yea. You said.
2. That’s why.
1. Why what?
2. Why I’m here now. Chained to you. Just like he was chained to me. I just couldn’t get past it. Oh I could argue with what he said… but it just became so clear from his living. He was 100% with it. I mean the guy was no goodie goodie – far from it. But he was prepared to put up with with pretty much anything really. Because of this Jesus. Said he’d follow him to the ends of the earth and back. Said he’d give everything for him. Said he’d totally changed his life.
1. For good or bad?
2. What do you think. Good of course. Just like he’s started changing mine.
1. It’s not going to be two years is it?
2. What?
1. Being here chained to you.
2. Get used to it. Man, the things I can tell you about this Jesus. The things he did, the life he lived. And not to mention the resurrection.
1. The resurrection? What’s that then?
2. You see… getting interested aren’t you…


 Acts 28 v 16 & 30

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