Monday Rewrite: Free Food and Drink

Two friends (1 and 2) are sitting on a crowded hillside, listening to Jesus and reacting to those around. The atmosphere resembles a trip to the cinema.

1. (Sighs) Oh not another trailer, when do we get to the main feature!!
2. I liked the look of that last one about the son running away. And also that one about building on sand.
1. I think you’ll find it was about building on rock! (Sighs again) But all these adverts! Why so many!! Who needs another bucket of honey-roasted locusts anyway!
2. Have you switched your mobile scroll off?
1. Course I have. (To the people behind) Hey! Can you be quiet behind us please? I can’t hear myself talking here. What? No, we can’t sit a bit lower down so you can see better! And I hope you’ll be done with those boiled sweets soon, those crinkly wrappers are drowning out this trailer about that bad farmer chucking precious seed everywhere!
2. Ooh! Here we go. It’s the main feature. It’s just starting.
1. (Looks round again) Oh great! Latecomers! Why do people always arrive just as the show’s starting?
(They look to the front and listen)
1. (Sighs loudly twice) Huh. Huh. Not exactly an action adventure is it. Blessed are the peacemakers and all that. When’s it going to get going? When’s the free bread and fish coming? (Pause) Is this a sequel? Only I’m sure I’ve heard him say that before. (To the people behind again) Don’t you shush me! I’ll show you what the peacemakers are gonna get if you don’t shut up. (To 2) I thought you said there was gonna be free food! And what about the wine? Didn’t he dish out 180 gallons at that wedding? When do we get to the complimentary plonk? I only came for the refreshments. (Calls out) Do a miracle!
2. Be quiet. And take note – he’s talking about loving your neighbour.
1. Loving your neighbour? Hang on! Isn’t this just based on an old book? I’m sure I’ve read that line somewhere.
2. Stop complaining. This is the bit you’ve been waiting for, he’s on about food and drink now. Listen. It’s getting exciting.
(They listen again)
1. What?? What’s he mean by that? He’s ‘the bread that really satisfies’! What’s that mean? It’s all well and good but I came for a fish finger butty.
2. (Listens) I think he’s just said: ‘Come to me if you’re thirsty.’
1. Oh that’s better, must be time for the chardonnay.
2. (Listens again): And: ’If you trust in me I can give you living water.’
1. Water?? Water!!! I can get that from the local well.
2. Apparently not, he says that just leaves you thirsty again. (Listens) The water he gives, he says… ‘will satisfy forever. Why spend your money on the food that doesn’t satisfy?’
1. I don’t want to spend money! I thought it was going to be free! I’d have brought some popcorn if I’d known.
2. Hang on… there’s more… (listens) ‘The true bread comes down from heaven and gives life to the whole world.’
1. Oh! (Confused) What… really??
2. Yes… (Looks around) Oh dear, looks like everyone’s leaving. I think they all came for a free snack as well. Should we go too?
1. Not sure. I don’t know where else I’d go at the moment. Let’s hang on a bit longer, see what else he says…

Loosely based on John chapter 6

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