Monday Rewrite An official receives a phone call from Moses, a little in the style of a Bob Newhart monologue.
Yes, who is it? Oh Moses… from Egypt! How are you doing Mo? You’ve got another delivery for us?
Not like the last one I hope, all those gnats and frogs and locusts and boils… the boils were particularly demanding… I’m only now able to start sitting down again.
You’ve got some tablets? Great. What for a headache or… they’re made out of what?
Stone? You mean tablets made out of granite… that’s… going to need a big glass of water.
What do you do… take them three times a day?
Just two of them? What for a week? … forever?!!
Mo… I don’t quite… oh they’re like lists… on stone?
What? Shopping lists? To do lists? I see. Instructions eh?
What – like clean the loo, pick up the kids from school, feed the locusts… that sort of thing…? Okay fire a way, I’ll note them down.
Don’t kill anyone… right… well, that one seems pretty obvious, I’m not sure I need to make a note… I mean I wasn’t planning on doing that this week… what?
Don’t steal… yes that one too… Don’t lie… ooh that’s trickier… are white lies okay? I mean, I ask my wife most days if she thinks I’m charming and sophisticated, I’m not sure I want the hard facts on that one. And my mother often asks if I like her cooking? So…
What? There are ten of these… okay, no, don’t tell me… let me see if I can guess a few…
Don’t stick your finger in the electric socket… don’t make that face or the wind might change… no texting at the table… how am I doing?
No good huh?!! Ok you tell me one of yours Mo…
Don’t covet… what’s covet? Is it like begetting… I hope we can still do some begetting… I quite like the begetting… oh we can but not all over the place… okay. So coveting is what? Wanting what your neighbours have got? Well right now my neighbour has cockroaches, piles and headlice so I’m okay on that one.
Don’t be idle? Oh… don’t worship an idol? What do you mean?
Like a celebrity or a hero or anything man-made…
So that great big golden calf in the back garden – that’s definitely a no-no right?
Respect God’s name. Don’t go saying it the wrong way at the wrong time with the wrong emphasis for the wrong reason. Got it.
What’s that? Keep one day a week holy… how do we do that? More prayer, more worship, more church services, a bigger collection plate…? Oh? Really? Make sure we rest? That makes it holy? Oh, right .
Respect your parents. Okay. Only I don’t know your parents Mo…
What’s that Moses… aha… it’s really about what? Loving God and loving other people. Yup. That’s a nutshell all right.
You want to tell me what Mo? The main thing. Okay what’s the main thing?
Before you were seen as just property… this list means you’re being seen as people.
Well yep, that is a great thing.
Bye for now Mo, oh and let me know if you want to pick up that staff of yours anytime soon, only it keeps turning into a snake and biting people when we least expect it.
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