Who Am I?

I’m currently struggling to rediscover the answer to The Who’s question at the moment. I’m in the process of watching a documentary about John Peel on Youtube, and have recently been watching Mark Kermode’s film reviews, and something has struck me about both these men. John didn’t and Mark doesn’t care about the opinions of others, of if they didn’t/do, they still rise above it and speak their minds. John Peel was a maverick DJ who championed new music until his death in 2004, Mark Kermode reviews films with a passion and doesn’t always tow the line with other critics or the public. Yet both these men display/ed a zest for life. To be true to yourself is not easy. We live in a world where we all want to be accepted, and more, exalted a little by others. But Jesus told us the truth would set us free, And then he told his mates that he was the truth. So by definition that means following this man Jesus should lead us into the truth, about life, the world, the creator and ourselves.

I love films. I have loved pop music since I was about ten. I love the Bible. And these three things fill my life and my head most of the time. In the past decade I have discovered they are not mutually exclusive. I do not have to contain the Bible within the religious closet of my life, and do not have to confine films and pop music to a more ‘secular’ compartment. God may be found everywhere, and more than this, films and pop music can be a way of exploring what it means to follow God in Jesus. So these days that’s what I do. But I still struggle to break through to a greater reality, a bigger place. A world where I am not so concerned about the opinions of others. I want to be seen to be normal. Even though I’m dead sure I’m not. Who is? Really, who is? And the older I get the worse I’m becoming at playing the normal game.

I live in a world where certain things are expected. We all do. How to rise above those things to be the kind of person that God originally designed? Not bound by expectations. Perhaps heaven is a place where we can all be openly weird and no one will care. We’ll speak openly and no one will be offended, hurt or disappointed. Till then I can only keep on cracking the door a little wider on reality, and occasionally stepping through for a while, until it’s too worrying and I need to retreat into the shadows, where it’s just dim enough for me to do my best to look like everyone else.

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