50 TV Titles That Could Have Been Bible Bits

50 TV Cover

Room 101
The east is a long way from the west, pick a line and keep going, don’t stop. So he gathers up the mistakes we make, the bad, the wrong, the ugly. Takes them in his fist and hurls them, like a divine shot-putter. And the dark bundle never lands. Gone. Psalm 103 v 12

Would I lie To You
‘Me? Are you kidding? Course I’m not spinning a yarn. I mean, think about it, do I look like one of those? You got me wrong. I’m telling the truth. Honest. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Of course I don’t know him. I never met him. Not once.’ Mark 14 vv 66-72

Songs of Praise
‘King Saul’s great… but David’s extraordinary.’ The crowds sing it wherever the king goes. That pesky giant-killing shepherd boy! How did he kill Goliath? They love him! It’s corroding the royal soul. Damaging Saul. He needs help, needs to let go before it drives him mad. What can he do? 1 Samuel 18 vv 5-9

What Not To Wear
Two wardrobes. One holds the costumes of lies, deceit, self-destruction, slander, rage and malice. Crack open the doors of the other one and you might well find the socks of patience, the shirts of mercy, the jeans of kindness, the shoes of gentleness and the underwear of humility. Decisions, decisions. Colossians 3 v 12

On tonight’s programme we need your help to track down one Moses of Egypt, for the suspected murder of a soldier. We’re also looking for Joseph, a young man accused of assault, and most importantly, one Jesus of Nazareth, held responsible for a whole raft of crimes. Will justice prevail? Exodus 2 vv 11-15, Genesis 39 vv 6-18, Isaiah 53 vv 4-6

Top Gear
In which our intrepid team of presenters join forces with Pharaoh, king of Egypt, as he sets out on a race against time. Can he overtake the speeding Israelites? Will he make it across the Red Sea in time? Or will his vehicles get stuck in the mud and sink? Exodus 14 vv 5-28

The Chase
We may pursue many things, power, success, money, popularity, self-sufficiency… but another chase is on. Down the corridors of time, across the landscape of the ages. The shepherd hunting high and low for the precious lost sheep.  Relentlessly, the searcher giving everything, no place too dark for him to look. Psalm 16 vv 4-5, Jeremiah 29 v 13, Matthew 18 v 12-14, Luke 19 vv 9-10

Ground Force
We gave one creator a skipload of chaos and a huge piece of derelict space and challenged him to bring order. Can he do it in just seven days? Will he make something of this void? Follow his progress, as he plans to produce, in his words, the perfect garden. Genesis 1 vv 9-13

Pets Win Prizes
A donkey, a whale, a raven and a snake do battle for tonight’s prize. The donkey can talk the hind legs of a human, the whale once doubled as a submarine, the raven fed meat to a prophet and the snake can spin a yarn. So they claim. Who’ll win? Numbers 22 v 28, Jonah 1 v 17, 1 Kings 17 v 6, Genesis 3 v 1

We’ve been called to 37 Acacia Gardens to sort out an urgent DIY catastrophe. The house is sinking! So far the bathroom and kitchen are disappearing under the lawn and the lounge is floating away.  Looks like a case of constructing on sand. Can we find any rock in time? Matthew 7 vv 24-27

No sign of Blackadder but a Baldrick-like Haman gets a cunning plan, tricks the king, and builds a gallows for Mordecai. But the king hears about the plot from Queenie Esther. Not happy. Haman pleads with Esther, trips and falls all over her. Ends up on his own gallows. Oops. Esther7 vv 1-10

Horrible Histories
Struggling saints and cutthroat kings
Golden calves and shepherd’s slings
Jaunty giant insults all
Fingers writing on the wall
Talking donkey saves the day
Awesome angels sing away
Babel builders in a mess
Faithful prophets do their best
The good, the bad, the ugly too
Life with God for me and you…
Genesis 1 – Revelation 22

The Chase
We may pursue many things, power, success, money, popularity, self-sufficiency… but another chase is on. Down the corridors of time, across the landscape of the ages. The shepherd hunting high and low for the precious lost sheep.  Relentlessly, the searcher giving everything, no place too dark for him to look. Psalm 16 vv 4-5, Jeremiah 29 v 13, Matthew 18 v 12-14, Luke 19 vv 9-10

The Sky at Night
Every night he takes a final stroll beneath those stars. A constant reminder to him. When he has doubts, when he wonders what he is doing here, he strolls and looks up. More numerous than those stars, that’s the promise. More children than fires in the sky. Genesis 15 vv 1-6

Loose Women
The religious elite look on with disdain. It’s laughable, a rabbi like him, spending time with so many questionable women. Clearly he has had no idea what he’s doing. But Jesus isn’t bothered, he has come for the fallen ones. These ‘lost’ women will witness resurrection. They’ll change the world. Matthew 21 vv 28-32

A story too many know. A tale of loss and suffering. A language shared by millions down the ages. Job wrestles with the wreckage of his life.  The troubles fell like a sudden storm, a flood that almost drowned him. He sings his songs of anguish. Lets out his pain. Job 3 vv 24-26

Gardener’s World
A healthy vine is growing here. Strong and fruitful. Needs tending, needs feeding, needs pruning. Dead branches require cutting back. Some of the branches are doing well, others need help. They are fading, wilting. The gardener won’t discard them. He knows his stuff, he’ll nurture them, coax life into them. John 15 vv 1-4

Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?
They listen aghast. This is extraordinary, his tales turn everything on its head. A world upside-down. Their hearts lift, can it really be true? God is with them? With those who have so little else? He turns to the affluent with a caution about the walls that wealth can build. Luke 6 vv 20-26

A trail of clues, a mystery. What is going on? Who’s this man? John creates his tale, not so much a whodunit, but a whoishe? First a strange happening at a wedding, then a meeting at night, then a son walking when he should be ill. What’s it all mean? John 2 v 12, John 3 v 1-2, John 4 vv 45-54

Men Behaving Badly
James and John open their mouths while their brains are still in neutral. ‘That village rejected you, we hate those people, can you blow it up with your power Jesus?’ It’s as if they haven’t heard a word he’s said, or seen the way he operates, bringing compassion and healing. Luke 9 vv 51-55

Tales of the Unexpected
His stories never fail to surprise, they twist and turn, bringing shock, inspiration and laughter. The people go away bantering about them, debating the meaning, laughing about the comedy, intent on passing them on to the folks they know. Like the farmer sowing seeds, these tales still travel worldwide today. Matthew 13 vv 1-9 & 31-34

The view from up here is stunning. And not merely because he has taken them up a mountain. Yes, they can see more, up here, and they can see things differently. They get perspective. But they see Jesus clearly too, in his glory. Transfigured, the light shining in the darkness. John 1 vv 1-5 & Matthew 17 vv 1-6

Grand Designs
A house so big, so expansive, going on forever. Never-ending. A dream home, with an open door. All welcome, come and explore. The entrance price had been paid for, all settled up. The invitation? To become a resident, not merely a tourist or a visitor. A new way of life. John 14 vv 1-2, Matthew 11 v 29, Jeremiah 6 v 16

The Great [British] Bake Off
The man looks astonished. He has some bread and it smells great. Elisha’s men are hungry, their eyes like saucers and their mouths watering at the sight of the food. But the baker shrugs. ‘How can we feed a hundred men with just these few loaves?’ he asks. Elijah smiles…
2 Kings 4 vv 42-44

Are You being Served?
Peter’s having none of it. Fair enough for a gentile slave to get down there in the dust and the muck. But not this. He stoops, tries to pull Jesus away from his feet, protests. ‘Look,’ says Jesus, ‘if you don’t let me serve you, you can’t be my disciple…’ John 13 vv 3-8

The X Factor
They have seen ‘messiahs’ before. Men who claimed to come with that certain something. But nothing like this. Time and again he amazes the people. Time and again he confounds the experts. He has something. He is something. He is different. The people love him. Could he be the one?
Mark 7 vv 36-37, Matthew 7 v 28, Luke 2 vv 46-52

Coronation Street
The king rides down the road, a prophetic road. Zechariah had seen it in his mind’s eye. The king riding humbly, bringing a different kind of victory, on streets lined with hopeful people, celebration in the air. The Romans parade with armour and weaponry. He comes with peace and sacrifice.
Zechariah 9 v 9, John 12 vv 12-15

He thinks about his life, and the wasted hours, then scribbles: Better to appreciate what you have rather than desiring what you don’t have. Easy to spend a lot of time chasing the wind. The grass may be greener over there, but longing for it won’t bring it closer. Pointless.
Ecclesiastes 6 v 9

The Weakest Link
As they meet together and look around, Paul’s words rattle around their minds. They’re not the powerful, the best, the coolest, the strong. Many of them are in difficulty, struggling, drawn by the God who cares. The God who reached out to them, chose to make himself weak for them.
1 Corinthians 1 v 27

The Good Life
The desert places of life will blossom, the wastelands will flourish. Gushing streams will water the soil. Things once dead will revive. Good news on the way. Those weary from life’s work will find fresh purpose. Aching backs will straighten, and weak knees will be energised once again. Hope dawns.
Isaiah 35 vv 1-10

Blue Peter
He’s down, can barely live with himself. Going over and over it in his mind. Why did he say that? Why did he back down? Why was he such a coward? He kicks himself again and again. There’s surely no way back. Jesus could never forgive him now, could he? Luke 22 vv 54-62

Dragons’ Den
‘Prove yourself,’ they say, ‘make your case. Should we pay taxes?’ He looks at the line of them. Itching for him to stumble. A difficult situation. They feign interest, while wanting to trap him. ‘Pay Caesar what is his, and to God what is his… But don’t confuse the two.’ Matthew 22 vv 15-22

No trophies on offer, no awards, but he sees an opportunity, and a bunch of hungry people. Soon he’ll tell the tale of a king throwing a banquet, inviting them all along, but for now he’ll demonstrate that. A feast for all, bread and fish, a kingdom party. Who’s hungry? John 6 vv 5-12 & Luke 14 vv 16-23

The Man from Uncle
The two never saw eye to eye, they were so different. So he fled, to Uncle Laban. But now, after wrestling with God, he’s back. The prodigal limping home. Fearful, but hopeful. It’s time for a new beginning, time for reconciliation. Time to work together. Not easy, but he’ll try… Genesis 32 vv 3-5

Call the Midwife
Shiphrah and Puah lay their lives on the line. Pharaoh demands that they ’dispose’ of Israel’s new children. But these midwives know what’s what. They know who they really serve. So the babies survive, and, oh dear, they always seem to arrive too late to carry out Pharaoh’s evil instructions… Exodus 1 vv 15-21

Opportunity Knocks
A chance, not so much to be big, or make it big, but for a brand new beginning.  With the one who holds the keys to life. Knock knock. He stands there, waiting to share food and friendship. Knock knock. Waiting with a smile, forgiveness, hope and a fresh start. Revelation 3 v 20

David knows what it is to watch out for sheep, to keep them in the right place, watch over them. Be a guide and protector. So he sits and pens a song. Not so much about himself, but about the great Shepherd. The caring Minder. Ever-present, even in the shadows… Psalm 23

My Family
He has two boys. Though the younger one’s bed hasn’t been slept in for a while. He’s heard nothing. No texts, no emails, no calls. In the cool evenings he walks in the garden, looking. The neighbours write the boy off, but he won’t. Too much love in his heart. Luke 15 vv 11-24

Keeping Up Appearances
It’s desirable and advisable to open that cupboard each morning, the one full of disguises. To select the appropriate one, the useful one, the expected one. As he looks at the crowd, hungry and hopeful, he says carefully, ‘You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’ John 8 v 32-34

Escape to the Country
Fed up with the daily routine of hard, soul-destroying work, bad food and being stuck in the city, they longed for another life. Then a ragged shepherd walked out of the desert offering a vision of a better life. Clean air, great views, independent living… what more could they ask? Exodus 4 vv 29-31

Jeremiah watches them running around madly, people lost like headless chickens. He holds up a hand, does his best to get their attention. ‘Stop!’ he calls. ‘Go to the crossroads, look for the good way. Ask for directions. Ask for the ancient paths of hope. And walk them. Stop! Listen…’ Jeremiah 6 v 16

Strictly Come Dancing
David looks around and lifts his head. Sometimes life is very difficult, he’s known loneliness and trouble. But now his heart sings. His lips move in praise. God has lifted him out of that dark pit. ‘You have turned my sorrow to joy,’ he sings, ‘my mourning to dancing.’ Psalm 30 vv 8-12

Absolutely Fabulous
The Queen walks around in her finery and her eyes pop. This king has got it sorted. She’s never seen anything like it. Wealth, authority, wisdom. The lot. But another thing impresses most. His God’s different. He’s not like the tyrannical deities of other nations. There is justice and hope. 2 Chronicles 9 vv 1-8

How much longer will he be eating prison food? What’s become of his dreams? This just isn’t what he imagined. Is everything lost? The questions bounce around his mind as he completes his duties each day. The baker looks worried. Joe stops. Asks him about it, forgetting his own worries. Genesis 39 v 20 – Genesis 40 v 7

Game of thrones
The family battles for control, the infighting led by Adonijah. King David’s oblivious and slipping away, as the undisciplined Adonijah gets fitted for the crown and stages his own coronation. Rampant Absalom has already tried and failed. Meanwhile Queen Bathsheba is desperate for her boy Solomon to take the throne… 1 Kings 1 vv 15-21

‘Don’t be afraid, he said, glancing around at the small group of slightly confused followers, ‘go into the world and spread good news about me. And I’ll always be with you.’ Little did they know that 2000 years later they’d still be having an impact. Billions following in their footsteps…

Last of the Summer Wine
Old-stager Solomon looks back on things and figures there was an awful lot of ‘chasing the wind’. Meanwhile, ancient Caleb refuses to put on his slippers and quit adventuring. He eyes those nearby hills and starts strapping on climbing gear. There’s still more tramping round the countryside to be done… Ecclesiastes 2 v 11 & Joshua 14 vv 10-12

Tomorrow’s World
John’s jaw is practically on the ground as he watches the final scene. The promise of a new kingdom, a place of endless hope, peace, harmony, creativity, where the old has gone. The disappointments, the hurts, the rejections, the failures… no more. Streets paved, not with gold, but with grace. Revelation 21 vv 1-6

It Ain’t Half Hot Mum
They’ve been tramping through this desert for years now, longing for home, for somewhere to settle. They’ve known triumph and disaster, wonder and sorrow, direction and loss, all beneath this blazing sun. Now Joshua looks to the future and hears a divine whisper. ‘Don’t be afraid, I am with you…’ Joshua 1 vv 6-9

The Young Ones
As he walks beside the shore he watches them, the young fishermen at work. Energetic, enthusiastic, bantering, joshing. No other rabbi would pick these young guys, too rough around the edges, too wild. Not suitable material. Perfect he thinks, they’ll change the world. He walks towards them, calls their names… Matthew 4 v 18-22

We aren’t the strongest, not the heroes we’d like to be. We limp, we’ve been battered by life, knocked down. Ambushed by the unexpected. But we don’t give up. This strength, this encouragement, this hope we have is in him. The one who was bruised himself, on a cross of transformation.
2 Corinthians 4 vv 7-9

Homes Under the Hammer
There’s a kerfuffle overhead, stray bits of ceiling land on his shoulder. There are voices, and more dismantling sounds. Jesus looks up, a grinning face peers through the freshly-made ragged hole in his roof. Other hopeful faces appear, then a pair of feet, and suddenly a whole body’s coming through… Mark 2 vv 4-12.

Dr Who?
The religious huffed, sighed, disappointed in this man from Nazareth. How could he be the one to set them free, mixing with ‘scum’ all the time? Jesus smiled, ‘Don’t you see?’ he said. ‘I’m like a doctor. They’re not scum. No one is. I’ve come for those who need me.’ Mark 2 vv 16-17

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