Monday Rewrite: Cows

A little parable of sorts. Two friends are about to part company for the day.

– Okay, I’ll see you on Sunday then… oh hang on, no. I’m taking my five-year-old to see his granddad’s cows.

– Cows?

– Yea, you know. Black and white animals with udders and a taste for grass.

– Yea but… really? I mean… really??

– Really what?

– Well… you don’t still believe in them do you? Not now.

– Why not?

– Well, you know, we’ve all moved on haven’t we? It was all right back in the old days, but we’re more sophisticated now. We don’t need cows, do we? They’re a bit irrelevant.

– Course we need them. You have milk in your tea don’t you? Where d’you think that comes from. Trees?

– Course not, it just happened, maybe it evolved from water.

– Really. And what about cheese? Did that evolve from mud?

– Don’t be daft.

– Well what about all that mooing that wakes you up early every morning at milking time.

– It’s the wind. Or misinformed pigs or something.

– Then what are all those creatures you see in fields eating grass?

– Oh I don’t bother with fields. They’re just for squares and folks who are out of touch.

– All right what about the book? We’ve got a big book that tells you all about cows.

– Oh you don’t want to trust that.

– Have you read it?

– I tried… but it’s just complicated and confusing.

– Some bits are difficult, sure. But not all of it. Look, why don’t you come with me and Henry on Sunday. You might enjoy it.

– I’m not sure. Suppose it’s all a trick. You know, just inflatable cows. Or cardboard. You could be fooling yourself. And then you’d be fooling me too. Anyway, they’re dangerous.

– What?

– Cows. Small kids can get butted by one of them. You know, when you’re only little.

– Butted?

– Yea. It can hurt.

– Oh! I see.

– Yea, well, that’s why I don’t bother with cows anymore.

– I’m sorry. I didn’t know.

– And sometimes it’s not cows, it’s the people who hang around with them. You can have good reason you know. To stay away.

– Yea I understand that. I want to stay away sometimes. I’ve been hurt. But I don’t want to throw the whole farmyard out just cause of a few bad smells. (pause) Look. Why not just give it a try. With us. With me and Henry. No pressure. Just give it a go. Plus! The farmer brews cider as well. And he’s very generous. Know what I mean?

– Cider, you don’t believe in cider do you? Not now we’ve got Guinness, surely!

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