It’s hard to concentrate at the moment, half the time I don’t know if I’m hammering or chiselling. My head’s like a maze of endless corridors, the thoughts going round in circles, lost and wandering with no end in sight. I can’t believe I find myself here, facing so much possible disaster. Like everyone, I want things to change, of course I do, but I never thought it would be like this. How will we make it through? How will we face each day knowing the potential for disaster. That we’ll be judged and criticised as the walls of misunderstanding grow around us. It’s not fair! I can sort all kinds of problems, cope with all kinds of trouble. Goodness knows we’ve had to cope with everything under the Romans. But this! Who could have imagined this? Mary pregnant and looking ever more so with each day. If I leave her here while I tear off to Bethlehem for this ridiculous census who knows what might happen while I’m gone. I have to take her. But then there’s the danger of the journey. She might not make it. And if she does what then? She might have the baby whilst we’re there. How can this be a good plan? How can this change the world? It all seems wrong. If I was God I would not have done it this way. I can tell you that. All we can do is take it one day at a time. One hour at a time even. No doubt when – if – they ever tell this story in the future, it’ll seem straightforward and glorious and tidy. But I’m telling you now, life’s moments of glory can just feel like the next thing you have to do at the time. Another day with no idea what’s around the next corner. Lord, help me to just take the next step. That’s all I can see right now.