The Expurgated Bible Bookshop

Morning, is this the expurgated Bible Bookshop?

Yes, what would you like?

Well, which Bibles do you have?

Ooh lots. The ones with the violence taken out, the ones with nothing but violence. The ones with just Paul’s bits, the ones which highlight the great examples of female leadership, the ones with all the female leaders taken out. The ones full of questions and complaints, the ones with all the questions and complaints taken out. The easy answers Bible, the ones with all the jokes explained, the ones with all the jokes taken out, the ones with just the verses that prove you’re right whatever you say. The ones where all the conflicting messages are taken out, the ones with just the happy bits in, the ones with just the sad bits in, the ones with just pictures for colouring in. The ones with just the sex left in, the ones with all the sex taken out, the ones with or without the boils, locusts, scary monsters, nasty baddies, foreskins, embarrassing bits, failing heroes, and misbehaving Christians… oh and the ones with blank pages.

Blank pages?

Yea, so you can write your own version.

How about one with all of those?

You mean a complete Bible? Hmm. That’s a novel idea. We tend to specialise in the ones which fit your own worldview. Wouldn’t that be a bit dangerous? You know, you’d have to live with all the contradictions, and differing experiences, and complications. You might have to change the way you think.

Yes. Like life really.

Hmm. I can’t see any call for a Bible like that. I mean why gather all those different things into one hefty book? Why make it hard for yourself?

I don’t know. Maybe because that’s how it was, and that’s how it still is. Better to have a book where the writers tell the truth about the full spectrum of life with God, isn’t it?

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  1. Robert says:

    Nice one Dave. Be careful saying this in Florida! There’s push back on the book banners suggesting that the Bible should also be banned on the criteria they are pushing.

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